Lucky's

Lucky's.

a small little bar tucked in a dark corner of a dark town. frequented only by a dozen or so regulars, any newcomers entering the bar would be stared down by everyone inside, as if undergoing some kind of acceptability test. everyone knows everyone inside; who's doing what today, who's sleeping with who's wife, who's kids are into drug troubles again, you get the idea. its not a place for wimps or those who call themselves metrosexuals or whatever it is the media calls faggots.

in short, Lucky's is a bar for the alpha males, the extinct kind. hard hitting, tough talking, beer downing folks who wont think twice about giving you a free dental surgery if you pissed them off.

*******************************************************************************

its a typical lazy saturday night, where the young folks are out at some trendy joints shaking their bodies and the old folks are lazing at home, watching the telly or just staring into space. Adam was sitting quietly in a corner, watching the boxing match on the small little telly hanging from the corner of the bar. every now and down, he would look around the bar, careful not to appear too obvious, and then go back to watching the match. there wasnt much of a crowd at Lucky's tonight; apart from him, there were four other guys playing cards at the other end of the bar, a couple of old folks talking amongst themselves and the barman.

"nor 'aving a drink, mate?" the barman asked Adam.

"no thank you, i'm just watching the match."

"yer betting on 'er match, laddie? cos, by the rate yer sweatin', yer gonnaend up all dried up like er dem skellies if yer aint gonna get yerself a drink."

the barman was getting on Adam's nerves; why cant he just leave him alone? and was he really sweating so much? he wanted to reach up his forehead and wipe the perspiration away, but decided against it.

"oh alright, give me a double scotch whisky, on the rocks then."

"ai, double scotch on the rocks coming right up, good luck with yer match mate."

after the barman left to get his drink, Adam looked around. he hoped he didnt draw any attention to himself. thank god, he thought to himself. the others in the bar didnt seem to notice him. it wasnt his type of place to hangout, but a friend had insisted that they meet here. he silently cursed his friend for standing him up like this. here, to say that the place makes him insecure would be an understatement. it absolutely terrifies him. he was a nice guy, went to a catholic boys' school, always listened to his elders, always playing by the book, never once in his life stepping out of line.

when the barman handed him his drink, he was praying that the barman wouldnt speak to him. thankfully, the guy just handed him his drink and left to polish some glasses.

kopitiam talk

i is sick.

not sick sick but sick nontheless. last night went AMK S-11 lak tea with some poly friends and my buddy soulburnz. long time never lak tea/kopi with friends liao. out of the 5 of us there, 2 are army regulars, 2 are jobless, and only soulburnz can claim to have some sort of satisfaction with his life. haha. before you come and shoot me "where got?" arh, ming, look at the facts hor. got girlfriend, got job, got money, better than me liao hor. so you shoot me i will shoot back these facts. cue maniacal laughter mwahahah.

anyways, the natural progression of kopitiam discussions usually boils down to 3things; football, army, and work. since among the 5 of us, only i qualify as football-siao, so the football topic was discarded. army topic wise, got 2 regulars, talk what army stuff, so gone too was the topic. so now left work. work wise, well, there was nothing to discuss on work. can only talk about our trials and tribulations in our quest to find a job related to our studies and passion.

the discussion damn solid. long long time never have this type of mature discussions liao. we shared opinions and viewpoints, resources and ideas. although majority of the discussion was centered on helping out a friend to make up his mind of continued education or working experience, the discussion nontheless provided key insights and food for thought for the rest of us.

but the bad thing out of last night's experience was, i think i smoked too much liao. pookie, too long never lak tea, now level dropped liao. still felt ok until 10minutes into reaching home. body felt weird, then had to go to the sink to force myself to vomit out the sick feeling. nah bei, last time can lim tea lak kopi smoke like no body business, now smoke 10sticks lim 2 cups of tea go home can vomit liao. say out loud also damn paiseh.

end up no mood to do anything, sleep also cannot sleep well. nah bei.

¼+¼=½?

i is sianz¼.

fuck it. the company douwan me douwan me lor. dream job, crap job, lanjiao job all fuck it. if they fucking want experienced guys now, i dont think i'll get hired, no matter how good my portfolio is. now, 招匹人马，find got people want to chup jit kah with me anot.

i is sianz½.

now Uni exam period. kan ni nah. sianz. no one to jio come out. all busy mugging for exams. i tell them, "study so hard for what? you study so hard, oso cannot beat them cheena kias one. people studying machine one how to beat." they say, "aiyah, you wont understand one. papers very important one. must get my aggregate higher this time." win liao lor. say i wont understand one. lose argument never mind, i just dont like the "wont understand phrase". machiam i from outer space alien liddat.

never mind, i lun that remark.

i shoot back, "you study so much, come out got degree oso useless now. you think only you fighting in uni with them cheena kia meh. you come out see your jobs also kena chopped by cheena kias. worse still, now got bangla kias, and donno-wad people from overseas. might as well retain and study sommore, come out oso waste time look for jobs while people from overseas take your jobs."

they shoot back, "wont one lah, NUS/NTU degree lei. not diploma or wad. confirm got job one"

this time super tui sia, ni nau hia. i shoot 5.56mm they shoot back RPG. shoot me diploma lor. winz.

i is sianz liao.

我只想做个好人！

i think i should be locked up somewhere far away from human interaction. i seriously do not know what is wrong with me, or maybe i know, but i choose to ignore the signs.

i is moody.

i is bad person?

is it because i speak a lot of vulgarities that i'm a bad egg? if you've known me for some time, you would know that i spout less curses now than when i was a hot headed young punk. (i may still be a hot headed young punk at times, but i certainly dont feel young anymore.)

is it because i smoke? lets see:

• primary school batch friends 10 plus, smokers 1
• secondary school batch friends 20 plus, smokers 1
• polytechnic batch friends 10 plus, smokers 3
• army batch friends 10 plus, smokers almost half

so facts point out i'm usually the odd one out of the group with my smoking, unless i'm with my army friends. so does that make me a bad influence? i dont think so, at least i hope i'm not. i dont force any of my friends to smoke, in fact i'll probably fuck them if they want to smoke. when i smoke i make sure they dont mind or at least i dont smoke next to them, situation permits. if i smoke next to them, i dont blow my smoke over them.

is it because my education level stopped at poly, while the rest of my friends have progressed onto University? although i'm pretty sure what they teach in University is pretty much the same routine as in poly, i dont see why anyone armed with a degree has to be smarter and more capable than anyone with a so-called lower education level.

so with all these, am i 坏人？讲实话，好认真地很难当。但做坏人，也不是说很好。。。。。

what to do...

the change of language is purely because i really feel like speaking my mind about what happened, no gloss, no makeup, no fanciful english, just pure, unadulterated, uncensored me.

fucking sian. thought today would be a bad day. turn out quite ok, luckily for the rain in the afternoon, otherwise confirm tonight fucking insomnia again. then again, the rain lasted so long, the bed was so comfortable, i ended up sleeping through lunch time all the way to dinner. even though i've just had dinner, now still hungry like fuck.

checked my email inbox in regards to a meeting up session with a friend involving a business prospect and an application for a job. i thought that since today was a public holiday, confirm no reply one, at most maybe the friend will send an email. but there they were, 2 separate emails from the friend and the company.

firstly, the email from the friend was more or less what was expected from our discussions. what he was offering is really tempting for me, and i do have quite a huge amount of interest in the industry. its not some five-minute-fad, not an impulse-heat-of-a-moment thing. but what made me apprehensive was the fact that i have basically no, zilch, nada, kosong experience of being in marketing/sales/etc. while i was pretty sure i could survive, or even make it, somehow, i feel that jumping straight in without any one to help is akin to bungee jumping without the bungee rope. not to mention that there's a huge amount of money(relative to me) going to be involved.

secondly, the job ad reply from the company was the guy wanted to see my graphic design portfolio. major crap. all my graphic designs were those unofficial sketches which were turned out. other then that, i dont really have an acceptable graphic design portfolio. but i wasnt really interested in that job position either.

what i die-die want the position is the illustrator one. fucking sianz. applied 3times 3times kena reject. fucking cheebye. first time interview went ok. heard from my friend, (although after much pestering him), working at the place that the boss said my portfolio impressive, but too bad i lack experience. i'm like, what the fuck, nabei puacheebye, kanninah!! thats a pretty fucking lame excuse to me. wah liew, i say. put so much hard work into the inteview, everything went smoothly, thank you letter type nice nice, correspondence going well, end up fucking "not enough experience". people say what sianz ½, aku sianz ½ oso dont have. kanninah, hear the stupid experience excuse, limbei sianz until want to sleep oso cannot sleep. super sianz. now its like almost a month since i last applied, the company still havent filled up the position, now even put up ads in other websites, still no luck. i thought why not try second time, or 3rd time. doesnt hurt to try right? fucking cheebye. the email i sent out even goes like 3/4 of the email is about my interest in the illustrator position. pua cheebye, the reply email didnt even touch on that, machiam like i never apply for the position liddat. bang balls man.

so fucking sianz, today. whole world machiam screwed up for me. what do you do when you finally found your dream job, yet your dream job rejects you, not because your abilities cannot make it, but because you kena shoot down by experience. fuck sia. i didnt even go onto what fucking experience they want. think should be 1st company in Singapore going to start a trading card game machiam "Magic" liddat. fuck what experience they want? i'm sure there's no one who is local, holding a fucking diploma, served finished NS and is between 20-30yrs of age that got experience in this field one lor. fucking tui, i can say. feeling after hearing the sorry sod's excuse worse than bang balls. whole world shattered the 感觉.

so now, i'm in a dilemna. the company's offering me a chance to view my graphic design portfolio, while my friend is offering me a chance to start up own business. one is risk free, other is must take (calculated)risks. i think i can pom and hantum out a decent portfolio, yet i'm pretty sure the "experience" excuse will be thrown back at me. at the same time, i'm really stuck between interested and apprehensive about my friend's offer. fuck sia. now this type of decision how to make. aku tak boleh tahan liao sia.

speaking text

ever had that experience of being so tired and want to sleep, but there's a million thoughts going through your mind, ending up you cant even sleep?

thats how screwed up this day is beginning to turn out for me. what a screw up.

anyways, not a lot of my friends know about this blog, i dont see any point in letting them know. this place is for me to vent my personel frustrations, release some steam, or just act as a shithole for all my personal demons. there are a few friends who know about it, but those are somewhat close friends.(happy anot, shihao! close friends lei!!)

but my language here is vastly different to what i speak in real life. if anyone reading this comes across me in real life and speaks to me, the person would be in for a shock. my speech is not that articulate and well mannered. i speak in a mish mash of english, chinese, hokkien, and add a dash of melayu, garnished with a generous dose of vulgarities. its not that i'm uncouth, lowly educated or whatever reasons there are, but its just simply who i choose to be. if i write as i speak in real life, it'll go something like this:

sai bin la, not say aku want to act tuff or wad, but 我就是 this pattern one wad. kanninah, kong wei kong zhe gei pattern oso kena labelled ah beng, worse tio people say i paikia, what the fuck? awak jiak bah boh sai pang issit, anyhow critise or label people just by the way they speak? liddat if i speak cheem cheem ang moh, den wad, people say i jiak kan tang ang moh pai one? kong ang moh oso cannot, kong hokkien lagi jialat, i think best is mai kong simi lanjiao wei at all.

big big difference eh?

wad lead? wad follow?

damn, on a day where everyone gets to sleep and wake up late, i wake up early. with a runny blocked nose to boot too. if only i was this lucky every other time i bet on football matches.

havent been updating, because i'm busy reading other blogs. there's a few funny ones, and there's some serious ones. but the hot topic these days seems to be regarding the upcoming elections and the recent bimbo, i mean beauty, paegent. i'm not gonna give my 2 cents on the election issue, because i've already said what i wanted to say in a previous post, and these 1 & 2 post by Rockson pretty much sums it up.

there was this comment by a certain mr anonymous on one of his posts, that goes like this, (cue ctrl+c and ctrl+v)

"I think you are a loser. You so good, why not stand up and join the opposition party. Write crap here just to whine like some loser dog...or togain attention from people. But u win. U gained my attention and i read what u have written. If dun have those old man behind the party, u think other countries will give a damn shit abt spore. If u say how come normal infantrymen or nco cant be mps...then why in the first place they arent generals. They just dont have the abilities to lead. Thats why they are men. Everyone plays a part...im not saying being a men in the army means you are shit. It just means you dont have the ability to be a leader. So if you cant lead, then be a follower."

the rest of the comment was just personel attacks on rockson. firstly, the guy obviously never read the whole of rockson's post, or got past his flowery language. secondly, he is obviously some rich man's son, or must have been an officer during his NS, if he served liao. but i dont think he's served his NS yet, judging by his naive-ness. its damn funny how many people equate your NS rank as to your capabilities.i bet the guy obviously thinks being an officer is big fuck. yeah right. BIG FUCKing deal. i've seen officers who cant lead his 99yr old senile grandmother for god's sake. so the guy's saying if you're not an officer in the army, you cant lead people. that theory is as solid as piece of tissue paper.

let me see, was the guy who's the head hongcho of Creative Tech an officer? was the guy who started Austen U an officer? i think the Mr Anonymous needs to take off his ruby-tinted glasses and take a good look around. just because you're an officer doesnt mean you have the ability to lead people. i should know, i've been there. i've seen men who can lead people better than their officers. and the guy needs to get his facts straight. you go in the army and you can wayang your way through out BMT to get into OCS. once there, its just a matter of how tough you can take the training, leadership training not provided. you wayang enough, can tong enough punishments, tadah! there comes your black chocolate bar on your shoulders and you can slack off for the rest of your service term. people choose not to be officer because 1) they know its all just wayang shit, 2) they know they can rather spend their 2years slacking throughout, 3) they know no one outside of the service gives a damn about what rank they were in the army. its a pretty clear cut choice to me, 1) serve your 2years peacefully, no need to cheong sua, can anytime play MC, everyday enjoy aircon office and when boss not looking, chat online with kakhis or girls or surf web, or 2)wayang and/or sweat and bleed and no one gives a damn about you for 1year and get your bar, then wayang and/or sweat and bleed for the rest of your term and still no one gives a damn about you.

something short

i think the best thing a man can do to another, is to take away the other's pride.

66.6FM your favourite beng station

taking things a little further, with too much time on my hands.


cue intro music...

and welcome to 66.6FM, the dun-give-a-fuck-station, where i play all the songs i like, and if you dont like them, you can siam ji ki, kiss my ass and fuck off.

first up, we have a caller on the line, and who might this be?

caller: erh....

eh kin la, lim bei dont have one whole day just for u to say your name hor. ai kong wei eh kin tampoh lah, ni nawhia eh chao gin nah.

and the line goes dead.

oh....kay.... apparently our first caller is a bit shy and hasnt paid his phone bill for quite some time. nevermind, here's this song going out for all you KTV cheongsters.

cue hokkien/cantonese song....and 4minutes later, after the song....

and that was Last Dance by Wubai. and now onto the hot topic nowadays, election time.i'm gonna open up the phone lines for you all to call in and voice your views over this hot topic. and our first caller on the line...

caller 1: i think arh, the gahmen so power liao, opposition confirm chopped signed no chance one lah, this time confirm PNP win election one.

wah liew, your lao bei lao bu no money send you to skool issit, tok oso cannot tok proper enggrish, nabei cheebye, wanna copy me oso copy no style.

caller 1: wad sia, lim bei ani kong wei si ze gei eh pattern wad, wad scold my lao pei lao bu..

naw hia, let you call in voice view not let you lecture lim bei hor. ni nabei, gah wo kao pei kao bu simi, next!

have issues, will draw

a friend quoted recently, "am i the only artist who doesnt have issues with the world?"

it would seem so, yes, mostly. at least as far as i know. it does seem so wonderful, being able to conjure up wonderful images with casual movements of the wrist and not have a single care in the world. yes, it does sound wonderful, but sadly, it would appear that i would never arrive at such a stage. perhaps he just decides to close an eye over the issues, choosing not to think about them, afterall, he has a happy life going for him, why should he be bothered with issues?

went out yesterday with my brudders, and was talking about cars, which soon diverted into car talk shows, and ended up with radio shows.

SQ: you know, you should go start a radio show man, all those shows now with their wannabe ang moh accents, act-tuff bravado, and chirpy happy attitudes. you could start a new trend man.

me: huh? what talking you?

SQ: you know, all those pussy DJs who wanna act tough, act ang moh, act happy. i mean, look at fucking G**n* O**, fucker wants to act tough get tattoos, or that whats-his-name, wad O*g, with his ang moh faker accent. all those are posers man, you, you're the real stuff. radio show with attitude man. you'll be like the-whole-world's-fucked-up attitude guy who goes on air with those hokkien curses and "ai-ting-mai-ting, zhe gei song hor le play liao".

and this point, the 3 of us proceed to laugh.

JH: i dont think he'll get past the censorship boards. i think his whole show is gonna be filled beeps.

me: i dont think i'll even last 1 day on the job. they'd be like putting this on their website, "Med**c*rp radio has announced due to certain issues, so-and-so has hereby been suspended from the air" or something liddat.

SQ: then you can like after suspension go, "because my producers dont want to hear me swear in english, so i shall not swear in english. lanjiao nabei cheebye censorship boards. there, ladies and gentlemen, i state that i did not swear in english. i mean you dont even give a fuck right? you got that world-against-you and dont-take-no-shit attitude with you wad. i swear if you start that show, its gonna be the biggest hit.

JH: yeah and SQ's gonna be your number 1 fan.

me: yeah, big hit and one day later, pulled off air.

cue more laughter.