this has been bugging me for sometime, and i just need to get it off my head.

you ever realize how fucked up it is when a friend whom you've been with so long, someone whom you feel you can trust and you feel like you're in a inner circle kind of wavelength, goes ahead and disses you? I know that only true friends will say the harshest truths in your face, but this goes beyond it. Any of my close friends would know that I'd give my all for them, and if I have anything good to share, they'd always be the first to receive. in fact, they'd often get a bigger cut than me most of the time. I'd be the first to admit, I'm not the best judge of characters, or business deals, but I always try to be accountable for all I do. I know I've failed to keep up on my promises on several (costly) accounts, but I've never shirked my responsibility or tried to run away from them. 

so just because you think I screwed up the AMK Hub Singtel Hello! shop project 2years back, am I supposed to be judged by that one mistake for the rest of my life? that I'm deemed as a screwball that can't be serious and professional when needed and untrustworthy? so because of that one screw job, you feel that I'm not even worth the chance to call upon, and you'd rather work with some other guy you've known and worked with for a couple of months? 

I don't know your end of the story, but have you ever tried to understand my side, my point of view? or even gave me a chance to explain?

I'm not saying that if you intend to start something, you should rope me in just because of the length of our acquaintance. but I thing that I deserve at least some consideration. instead, you come out straight off the bat with a flat rejection.

"you're not serious and professional enough" if you're talking about the Hello! shop project, fine. but then again, during that project, what the fuck was my role? have you ever taken a step back and realized that you were treating me as nothing more than a bloody PA? the people there were all looking to you. I dont know shit about the whole thing. I only helped out because 1) your dept was short-handed, and 2)you were my friend. and yet, I ended up as a fetch dog for you. if you were pissed because of how you were treated by Jorge during the Somerset Singtel shop project, imagine how I felt when you were doing the same exact fucking thing to me. and yet, you even had the nerve to speak to me in a condescending manner, like how knowledgeable, how worldy wise you are. I went into this project out of goodwill and all I got was this.

and because of that 'serious and professional' reason, you say you can't work with me because I'm a troublemaker. you may not have said that, but your words certainly implied it. when we were co-workers, when did i ever create trouble for my immediate superiors? so now you have the chance to be in the position of your own boss, someone like me, who stands up for the welfare and rights of my fellow colleagues, is deemed as a troublemaker? if the boss can't be professional and oftens oversteps the bounderies, I have to meekly accept it and bend over for the faggot and be some spineless worm? i dont recall you being critical or disagreeable of my points whenever I stood against management when we were of the same level, so are the lines redrawn when you were promoted?

and you've worked with me til I resigned for how long? a year plus? and you say you don't know how good my skills were? you can give a fucking better reason than that. I fucking deserve it at the very least. you fucking know I was juggling 3 departments' work when you were there. you fucking know that I was the one pushing and rushing the productions. I was the fucker who sat down with you and worked out the production schedules, cycles and plans, and you can still say that with your eyes open. worse still, you can say you're gonna hire some other guy whom you've worked together for a couple of months because you promised him before you left the company. so what, now I'm not even worth some guy you've worked with a couple of month?

when you were jobless, I offered you the opportunity to come help out. when you were in the lucrative part time section, I taught you the tricks to boost your time sheets. when you were being screwed by Jorge over the Singtel Hello shop project, I could have just sat by and said I'm not in your department and cant help you. but I went down and helped you finish the project. I think I deserve at least some consideration for all that I've done for you.

this might sound illogical and too emotional, but thats because I've always thought of you as a close friend. I may have laughed it off whenever the topic is raised, but inside, the fucking betrayal twists and hurts. at least, I know now where I stand in your eyes.