attack of the runny nose

argh... i'm struck by the runny nose-sore throat in the morning syndrome again. i cant even enjoy my smoke now. damn. at times like these, i really wonder what purpose does my nose serve, apart from holding up my specs. its half blocked most of the time, suffers from sinus problems every morning, and now it turns into a 24-7 mucus producing factory working on overtime. maybe i really need to re-adjust my life timing and bio clock.

mosquitoes and late nights

bahm, the weekend was a blinder. time flew past just like that. i actually slept through the whole of today, and i think i might have missed the mobilisation recall.. seems like i'll see if i will get an backlash next monday.

wednesday and thursday was the best day i've had since posted to the camp. actually, the day part was crap. there were some clearing and setting up of the mess for friday's National Day EXCO meeting and happy hour. i got my report and fire plan done. all my tasks were completed, or nearly there. the day part just sucked. after 5 though, it was a totally new ball game. me and 2 more guys, my upperstudy(SH) and another guy(Freddy) from the CMTL side practically went to the mess every night and messed around with the karaoke system, together with the mess boys. wednesday, we practically scoured the whole catalogue of songs to see who could come up with the lamest, crappiest and downright hilarious mtv songs from the system. yup, we were that crappy and bored. thursday night we stayed after 1 and went outside the mess for a smoke, staying there and talking cock till 3-4 in the morning. it was just like the days back in poly, except for the timing.

thursday night, SH and me played soccer with our guys until late 9. freddy had some new officers initiation at 30SCE. we went back, showered and watched Beyond's 03 Concert VCD in SH's bunk. freddy joined us . it was around 1-2 that the concert finished. then came the BIG mistake. me and freddy went outside bunk for our last puff. we talked some cock. SH came and joined us soon. before you knew it, we ended up sitting on the floor, talking, proceeded to taking out chairs from our bunks and sitting in the corridor, talking, smoking. then the mosquitoes came. they were present before, but now they were making the presence felt. we ended up moving to the mess, playing pool before going out for a smoke and ended up talking more cock there. in the end, we went back to bunk at around 5.30 to 6 and me and freddy concussed straightaway. SH had a recce to be done so he didnt have the chance to sleep. haha.

if there's one thing i hate more than losing, its got to be those damned wing buzzing blood sucking flying around especially near your ears mosquitoes. they're like the new plague. ever-existant, they'll fly around you after sucking your blood, in front of your eyes, tempting you to crush the puny wings and then fly away, rinse and repeat procedure, if you've missed just to frustrate and humiliate you. whole camp's filled with them all of a sudden, and now i cant even get a decent night(or day)'s sleep in my own home. talk about invasion of privacy. why in the seven seas are there mosquitoes in the first place. it seems to me that they dont serve any purpose at all. if i wanted to donate blood, i would have done so at blood donation drives. if ever anyone comes up with a cure against mosquitoes or does a complete genocide of all mosquitoes, i swear i will be the personal slave of that person.

relationships

no, this isnt about any b-g-r rant or anything. its just some private musings. its seems like a trend to me. all my generations(couldnt find a better word) of friends seem to suffer from the same fate.

the ones from my primary school life were quite a few. we used to hang out everyday after school, playing soccer until my mom would come to school and drag me home. we'd also go to a friend's place to play the latest video games. after the PSLE exams, we'd gone our separate ways. we'd still hang around our old joints for the next 1 year or so, organise outings and reunions. but after that period of 1 year or so, everyone had pretty much moved on with their new lives and their new friends.

secondary school life was pretty much the same. only mom didnt come to school to drag me home. i hang around outside school after school hours with some friends, played soccer, went over friends' places to play video games, smoked, drinked, mixed in some bad company i know, but the only bad things were smoking and drinking, its not like i neglected my studies or whatsoever. i still scored pretty decently for the exams, and even my mom would have to admit, my 'O' Levels results were pretty good. when the end of the 4years came, some moved on to JC life, some into Polytechnics, others in ITE, one even went straight into the army. it was the same. except the time period for reunions and gatherings lasted for only a couple of months.

i still keep in contact with some of the girls, and i still (try to) play soccer with the guys every sunday. but it seems everyone has moved on yet again.

onto Poly life. most of the people in my batch opted for JC life. so it was a motley crew bunch of us that went into poly. of those that went JC, majority of them ended up in a JC next to my poly. so i still managed to hang out with some of them occassionally during my time at poly. it was rare to say the least.

poly life was pretty mundane. deadlines to meet. slacking to be done. i was pretty much introverted during my first 2 years. going to school then slacked until end of classes. at which i would then proceed back home to slack some more. my grades were pretty much FUBAR. it was only in year 3 that i met and made most of my close poly friends. we would stay back in the studio to play games after office hours, proceed to the nearby coffeeshop to have dinner and a puff before going back to play more games until the Tech Guy chases us back home. life was a breeze then.

almost 2years have passed since that time, and it seems the same thing that happened is begining to unravel again for this bunch of friends.

i really cherish all the friends that i've made, and it seems that we've really grown more and more distant as time goes on. i'd admit some of the blame should lay on me, but doesnt all relationships takes 2 hands to clap? organising a reunion or gathering is pretty hard when you have to accomodate different people's schedules. its even harder when some people would give half-interested replies or changes their mind at the last moment. its not that i didnt try. after the last failed attempt, i dont think i'd even bother to think about it for the next, like, 1year or so. besides, i dont think i have that much of a pulling power to make people attend a gathering organised by ME.

people move on, meet and make new friends,i'd admit, but that doesnt mean one can easily forget about the past or the goodtimes they had with the OLDER set of friends.

on another note, i'd like to thank the people who turned up for my pathetic request for a reunion last time round. i dont think i've done that last time round, so here's a belated attempt.

musings

my brother just flew off back to his studies in Australia tonight. which was just now. now i have the whole IT setup at home completely to myslef. mwahahahaha. no more silent and sudden disconnections just because he logged in. no more sharing of personal space. no more having to lower the volume because someone else is in the vicinity. bwahahahah. all control is mine. that is until the end of this month, when i cut my connection.

tomorrow have to report back to camp for duty. might as well, because the (stupid) commander's Chinese New Year Reception is tomorrow afternoon. i cant for the green grass and blue sky decipher why in the seven seas would a reception be held on a sunday. its like an open secret. everyone knows there's the commander reception this sunday, but no one really knows what the hell it is. guess the cat will pop out tomorrow then.

this year must be a bad financial year for me. i lost loads on gambling. bah...think i'd be better off betting on football.

taxi driver

sometimes, i feel like travis bickle. the sane part. well, i could feel like the unstable travis bickle too, but i got my smokes to save me.

Travis Bickle: You're only as healthy as you feel.

i cant sleep at night, i wander alone at night. even if i'm loaded with work before, i still cant sleep.

Travis Bickle: Twelve hours of work and I still can't sleep. Damn. Days go on and on. They don't end.

i tried picking up the pencil again today, but nothing seems to come to mind. the touch of the wood doesnt feel as familiar as before and something just doesnt feels right. it seems as though something is missing. all my scrawlings are just mundane and ordinary. any 3yr old could easily replicate them. strange, cos earlier i had some ideas, but when i pick up the pencil it seems that the ideas just vapourized and left me bereft of any inspiration.

Travis Bickle: The days go on and on... they don't end. All my life needed was a sense of someplace to go. I don't believe that one should devote his life to morbid self-attention, I believe that one should become a person like other people

today seemed like eternity. i had no work to do, all day i lazed around the house. the quiet before the storm i guess. come tomorrow onwards, it'll most probably turn into a crazy madhouse with relatives and family friends coming and going. guess i'd need to find some safe haven to seek solace in during then.

Travis Bickle: Loneliness has followed me my whole life, everywhere. In bars, in cars, sidewalks, stores, everywhere. There's no escape. I'm God's lonely man.

chinese new year

chinese new year. that time where you get ang pows handed down to you. that time where you visit and see relatives whom you basically had no contact whatsoever for 355days. that time where you celebrate by eating lots of bak kwa, counting your ang pow money and then proceed to gamble them away. i guess i should be happy like everyone else.

i'm not a celebratory person. not sure if there's a word. i dont like celebrations. i dont like crowds. i dont like mixing with lots of people. i'd rather be alone. if there's ever 1 good thing to come out from smoking, its that i dont get squeezed around orchard road. hahah.

my whole family is in malaysia visiting relatives and i'm left alone at home, cos i didnt renew my passport. at least it saves me from the 2hr+ travelling time.

d.e.a.t.h. and l.i.f.e

its that time again. too early, but sequence in events leading up to now was always pointing it to happen sooner than later. and the strangest thing was that it struck when i was just sitting on the parapet wall and smoking away. the trees and plants below looked so comforting. the grass didnt seem so far from up where i was sitting. i was contemplating life and death at that moment. everything was so serene. that is, until my cigeratte burned out. it could have been the flash spark to start the plunge, but thankfully for my craving for a 2nd stick, it didnt.

everything seemed crap and lousy this new year. its the lunar new year next week, everyone's looking good and happy, except me. seems like everything started on the new year on the wrong footing. it seems that i've forgotten how to smile, or what it feels like to be happy. maybe i just need to go someplace like the moon or mars or anywhere without human contact to isolate myself for a while....