behind the pictures...

"Just the picture of me left out,In this Hollywood babylon..."


take a break from the story, 'cos now i'm in camp doing duty and there's nothing else to do.

somehow, the blogger interface in the camp's com wont let me format my texts...*grumbles*. i cant even use html codes to edit them.

was taking a walk along the commander's office corridor, nothing else to do, no one to bother or shout at me also. not to mention the fact that after gone from camp for so long, i kinda *SHOCK of the day* miss it. there were pictures of previous events posted on the wall displays. there was one thing in common with all of them, apart from the fact that commander was in all of them. in every picture taken with the whole hq people, no one from the QM Br was shown in the pictures.

just goes to show, while the rest of the "family" are busy celebrating, having a good time and taking pictures to keep for future memories, us people from the QM Br are busy trying to make everything perfect and smooth. and what do we get in return? nothing. not that we expect anything, but a simple gesture of appreciation for the countless number of times my people sacrificed just so otheres could enjoy. worse of all, even if there's one single small hitch, we're pointed out, even though it may not be our fault.

*sighz*, it may all be over for me soon, but i worry about what will happen to my guys after i leave....

story

"i wont make promises that i cant keep..."

stella was a girl from a well to do family. she was kind of attractive, but not a real head turner. her grades were good, and she was in one of the better classes. she was also popular, and had a big group of friends.

terry was slightly the opposite. he came from an ok family(just enough to make ends meet). he wasnt a standout in terms of looks and body, but his grades were good enough to be among the top 15 of his class. unfortunately, he was something of a rough find, mixing in gangs and smoking, resulting in him being in the worst class(in terms of results). he was introverted and didnt really had any friends.

both didnt really notice each other much, mixing around in their own cliques(which in terry's case, no one from school). terry wasnt really that interested in girls, prefering to do his own things. stella was a party girl, she was always frequenting the discos with her female friends whenever she could. so there wasnt much similarity or sharing of interests among the both of them....

leave

"you can ever change your heart, if you would only change your mind..."

was on leave, actually, i'm still on leave, for the past 2 days till tomorrow. just went back camp today to clear some stuph. it was good to see the guys. not that i'm gay, but it feels good to be among friends. there was a new face, but didnt have the time and chance to properly interview him.

nothing got done these few days. still busy doing nothing. actually, i dont know what to do. all my stuff from the trip were sorted out the day i got back. i guess i'm just enjoying the bliss of no phone calls or meetings still.


"without you, cant stop the hurt inside, when love and hate collide..."

back from below

"i'm on a highway to hell..."

and that was playing in my mp3 player when i boarded the flight to Australia. how poignant and ironic. at least nothing happened, save some turbulence and very cramped legs.

it was bloody cold in brisbane, at least for the first 2days. nothing to do really down there, shops closing latest 7 and the whole day turns dark after 6. but the peace and quiet was quite refreshing. the whole city was a place of serenity. actually, i was bored stiff to death down in Australia. haha.

so there, enough of the trip, nothing to talk about really.

bye

all my bags are packed, i'm ready to go...

finally, i'm off to Down Under, on overseas leave, where the handphones and office calls wont be able to reach and bother me for 2weeks.

the 80s kid

i was born in the 80s. the heyday of disco and retro fever. i never knew anything apart from football from the time when i could remember. i remembered my first football match was the tv showing of inter milan against some other team. the passing was slick and 1 touch. it captivated me. from that moment on, football has always been in my life.

i never listened to music in my early years. i don't have a personal radio, and my family only had 1 radio. it was always tuned in to the news channel, so most of the time, i would be listening to the news or oldies. it was around when i was around 7 years of age that i was introduced to the world of 80s music. spandau ballet, culture club, bananarama, kylie minogue, the pop music of the 80s totally invaded and captured my attention. but it was nothing compared to what was about to come.

i was at my friend's place when i heard the song on radio. it was totally unlike the pop songs that i was listening to. the voice was gruff and edgy, yet the harmony was clearly there. the guitar riffs were totally out of the world. i was soon hooked on this new music that i had found. Led Zeppelin introduced me to the world of glam rock. i was soon gobbling up everything glam rock threw at me; Led Zeppelin, Def Leppard, Queen, etc. with its loud guitar riffs, anthemic drums, hairsprayed big hair and psychadelic leather clothings, glam rock ruled the airwaves. no one does ballads like them. no one does rock anthems like them.

the newer bands now dwell too much on emotive outpourings. there's not much of any outstanding, anthemic songs from the new bands. compared to the glam rock bands of the 80s, these new bands are almost shite. some of them are decent, but could never match up to the legends.

peanuts pay

hehe. peanuts pay. that was a comment made by a certain high-profile minister's wife in regards to the NKF saga. i think she's just being plain ego-elitist. maybe she should be enlisted into National Service, given a private soldier's allowance, made to do a private soldier's job(yes, that includes all the digging, cheong-sua-ing, toilet washing, etc), and then when she books out, have to support a family through those allowances. maybe then she will understand what is the defination of "peanuts pay". some people can be just plain stupid or ignorant or just plain dumb. people like her should be brought down from their high pedestals.

yeah yeah, and people around me often grinds me down about my allowance. so what if its a freaking-10000-a-month allowance? other officers maybe getting the same amount, but they sure as hell aren't spending it the same way as me. i know my allowance is hell lot more than what most of my men are getting. but i dont splurge on myself, apart from the occassional cds and dvds. most of the time, i give my guys a treat. if we're out camp on work, i'd go and buy them food from fast food restaurents or coffee shops. if we go out, usually i'd foot most of the bill. so dont go slapping me around about how much allowance i'm getting, cos i'm sick of it.

and another thing i'm sick of, please, STOP ASKING ME ABOUT THOSE BLOODY NDP TICKETS!! I HAVE NEVER SEEN THEM AND I CERTAINLY DONT HAVE THEM!!!!!

off

2nd day of off. does anyone ever understand the meaning of being on an 'off' day? why do people still call me regarding things of work? its not as if i haven't done my job or cleaned my shit before i went on off. i do everything, tie up all the loose ends, brief my guys on what's expected and what to do and who to look for(not me), and yet, 8-freaking-a-m in the morning and i get a call from the office. maybe getting a phone so quickly was a bad mistake. just think of the blissful ignorance and lack of phone rings. *sighz*

tired

i am tired. really. saturday was hell. i was running all over the place. didnt help that i was drenched like a wet fish by the early morning rain. its a miracle i'm not sick now. come to think of it, saturday was really all a blur, i was so busy collecting the rations and planning the routes and watching out for alternative routes or traffic jams, i didnt really bothered to know which minister was present for the show. actually, i couldnt care less. slaving it out, getting stuck between senior commanders, getting stuck with my men's personal problems, man, and you thought that the Mr. T.T. Durai's problems were tough. well, at least the guy have his 'peanuts' to seek comfort from.

not TGIF

argh, its thursday! that means tomorrow its friday, and its not gonna be a TGIF day. gonna have to stay in and work thru the weekend... sighz, the "sacrifices" we make for our country's birthday...

on the other hand, at least i'll be able to play some football in camp tomorrow night.

dump again

ya' know, i'm still in a disbelief that i actually made it to 22. actually, 22 was like 3days ago, so technically, i'm like 22yrs 3days old. man, i feel like i'm at the opposite end of the life cycle. i never thought i would survive this long, with the amount of poison(mental and physical) i'm pumping into my body all those recent years. suicidal intents, chain smoking, hard drinking, those were the days.

another dump, cant sleep:

-currently listening to: Def Leppard - When Love and Hate Collide
-currently in my dvd: Kylie Minogue - Body Language Live (Money Cant Buy)
-currently in my iTunes: AC/DC, Def Leppard, Guns & Roses, Kylie Minogue, The Verve
-currently browsing: ESPN Soccernet

running

wah. sianz. how come i always tio this kind of shit. (translation: why do i always encounter such lousy situations?) see? singaporeans can speak/type acceptable english(i wont say perfect, cos i know my limits)

ok, maybe its not as bad as the rest of the problems i have, but its still a problem.

after slacking off for almost 8months, now i got to go participate in the Army Half Marathon. and i thought i could escape it. maybe i should apply for overseas leave. bwahhaha. but then again, i promised my men i would run. haiz. headache sia. now i got to plan and train the guys. why are they so enthusiastic sia....

why do i have such siao-on men....maybe its because of the girls that will be running too....

mooziq

1 whole day of nothingness. felt like nothing really. haha. that would be an understatement. here i am, rambling on and spouting nonsense about nothings. am i really going bonkers? or am i just deluded?

turned on the computer(back from the dead, courtesy of the local computer shop), loaded up iTunes, and plugged in the headphones. jacked up the volume to the max. (my ears arent gonna survive when i'm going to turn 25, at the rate i'm going) i'm just listening to the music in my library while scanning through the songs in the playlists. it was just casual browsing at first, but then it struck me. 90% of the songs i'm listening to are from a bygone era of glam rock(Led Zeppelin, Def Leppard, Guns n Roses, AC/DC, Bon Jovi, etc) or disco(Bananarama, Kylie Minogue, etc). the rest are mostly rock bands of the 90s(Stone Temple Pilots, Cranberries, Oasis, Radiohead,Verve,etc), some smattering of pop songs now and then and some classical music(egads!).

i'd admit the pop songs of the boybands or girl power female artists nowadays sounds nice at times, but my heart will forever be aligned to the golden age of 80s-90s rock. AC/DC, LZ, GnR just dominate my airwaves. the newer songs i listen to nowadays are mostly materials from the supergroups formed from the ashes of those rock bands. Velvet Revolver and Audioslave just comes to mind.

and disco, what about disco. i'm a retro kinda person, i cant adapt to the new environments that quickly. the old songs just have that sense of familiarity about them. i cant explain it, but the music of the bygone era just feels comforting. though the new materials from kylie are quite good.

1 look at me and you wouldnt believe that i actually listen to classical music. hehz. actually, i only listen to classical music or scores when i'm drawing or just trying to sleep.

wait..... what am i babbling about..damn... maybe i'm just sick.

1 step closer to the urn

hey, its my big day today. and i almost forgot about it. heh.

though, there's nothing today to be happy about. same old mundane life. stuck with the same negative surroundings and bad vibes. it just seemed like any other day. stayed in camp till 9, even though i released the guys off at 3. dont really know whats going on in this thick block of meat on top of my neck these days.

:::: xXx ::::

head bent slightly down
eyes just looking at the ground
shuffling through the crowd
shut off from everything for now

head tilted to one side
cant get myself to stand up right
leaned back up against the wall
never really standing up tall

just standing down here hanging around
you'd never know when you'll get put down
all the people telling you what to do
so you could be cool
and hang in with the rest of the crowd
so you wont stand out

a stick hangs from the lips
lights it up with a flick
not having a care in the world
everything's soon in a swirl

cant be bothered with anything now
the outside world's being drowned out
turn the volume up louder
as i sink down deeper and deeper

someone up there doesnt like me...

at least thats the feeling i get this whole bloody weekend.

sent my computer to the local store for maintenance. found out it was riddled with virus and the registry was totally screwed up. i could live with that.

saturday. the whole thing was screwed up. traffic lights seems to dislike me, turning red the exact moment i'm about to approach them. the traffic marshallers were pretty screwed up too. the food was not enough. manpower was also, and will never be enough. no SMOKING allowed!!! screwed by the boss. lost my handphone. and all contacts. i must be cursed or something.

well, at least things couldnt get any worse, could they? i've been telling myself that all saturday long... but i'm not keeping the faith...

question

given a choice, would you pick someone who's physically attractive and rich or someone who's plain looking, not rich, and doesnt have a high flying profile? of course, the cosmetic answer would be "i'd pick the one who's attractive on the inside(sweet, caring, heart of gold, etc etc blah blah blah)". but really, who would ever believe such an answer?