最快乐，最悲哀

我不知道该怎么说，该怎么写，该从哪里开始。。。

事情发生到这个地步，我也不知道为什么。就这样，无声，无情，就好像两人从来没遇见，没认识过似的。

一个人真的能够恨下心吗？把以前，所发生过的，全都不放在心上，说走就走。一点解释理由也没有，一点安慰也不让。如果有理由解释而分，至少还能够接受。但这样，却让人不知道错在哪里，要忘也忘不了，结果胡思乱想。这样，叫人怎么放得下呢？

爱上了她，可说是最快乐，也是最悲哀的事。既然铸锭没缘，也只能一个人在一旁，安安静静的祝福她，默默的带着悲伤。

戏中演戏

今天真巧。。。 就真的好像在拍连续剧一样。。。

放工回家，看到了她跟另一个朋友。其实，是看到了那个朋友先。他在厕所外面，问了他在等谁，他说在打电话。但在等电梯时，却看到了他们两人一起走。也许是我胡思乱想，但前阵子，他们两人也看得出有那种情切感了。。。

回家路上，脑海里一片乱，心里面一片悲哀。就突然间，下起了一阵雨。还不像戏中悲哀场面吗？想要笑，也只是笑自己吧。。。

rain

i used to hate the rain. rain spoils everything. it makes everything wet. which in turn, usually means i have to stay indoors. and i cant stand being cooped up in the house. but that was in the past.

现在，每当下了雨，我都有一点伤心，又有一点安慰的感觉。以前讨厌下雨天的我，现在却喜欢上了下雨天。别问我为什么。也许是认识了她过后吧。。。下雨时，当我在雨中，总会有一种舒服感。也许就是因为我哭不出的泪水，全都由雨水来代替了。

分手总要在雨天

screw them faggots

i had a plan.

2 packs a day, 40 sticks spread out within 24hours.

from the age of 11. according to tv commercials when i was 11, a stick takes away 7minutes of your life. now, 13years later, its stated a stick takes away 12minutes of your life. like, wow. so now, instead of planning for last rites when i'm around 50-60years old, i've got to bring forward my demise to 10years forward. which means, i'm probably left with another 16years of smoking.

now they even have some ghastly looking woman on screen telling me the horrors of smoking, in addition to the ridiculous pictures they placed on cigarette boxes. childish, big brother-ish tactics, i would have to say. time to grow up for some people.