dont you

dont you want someone you know
someone you can talk to
to pour out your joys and sorrows
someone who understands you

dont you need someone in your life
who will be there till the end
wipe your tears when you cry
when you need someone more than a friend

but the sad truth is that
you just can bring yourself to open up
or face up to the facts
even when you're down on your luck

you'd give and give
in return for nothing
thinking thats the way to live
but there's always the feeling
of being played around for a fool
taken for nothing much than another tool

you'd break down in the middle of the night
when no one hears or sees you
thinking about all that you didnt do right
even when the occassions were few
you'd scream out loud late at night
only that no one can hear you

dont you want someone you know
someone you can talk to
to pour out your joys and sorrows
someone who understands you

dont you need someone in your life
who will be there till the end
wipe your tears when you cry
when you need someone more than a friend

review

havent been updating lately as i'm too busy trying to kill myself. its been a whacko period of time for me lately, and time does seem to drag on nowadays.

i've been on this sorry piece of land for almost 22years and 3months now, and there's nothing outstanding about the fact that i'm still wasting the resources of this land. 22years and nothing to show for it. what a joke it must be. with my peers getting degrees left right centre, soon it seems i'll be the only one without university qualifications. at least i'll be outstanding in that aspect. everyone seems so eager to get on the fast track of life, trying so hard to achieve some semblence of recognition nowadays, it seems no one is willing to slow down and smell the flowers on the road side. its a damned rat race, with everyone busy climbing or attempting to climb the corporate ladder.

right now, i can afford to say that i'm not one of the crowd, but who knows, when money becomes tight, when push comes to shove, you might find me eating my words and join the masses. such is the sad truth of reality nowadays.

down time

havent been updating much recently. whole lot of crap just suddenly appeared and guess who's cleaning up the mess. to speak the truth, its been a fubar situation i'm stuck in now. food doesnt have any appeal, cigs are just there to pass away the time, everything seems such a drag. the only thing i'm looking forward to nowadays is nothing.

after the experience i have gathered so far in my life in the army, i can honestly say that, the army is a pretty fucked up organisation. sure, every major or even minor capitalist corporation is pretty fucked up, one can argue, but seriously, none of them can truly compare to the army.

first off, its a conscript army. that means majority of the work are done by us, lowly paid servicemen who have to slog through the mandatory period. that means we dont have the choice to quit if we're not happy with the job, or the pay. that means we are the expendables of this organisation, which every single fucked up job are assigned to us, even though its not our job.

why do we even pay so much tax to the government? they justify the amount of tax money being driven into the defence budget by stating our geographical location and the so called vulnerablities of our nation. do they even see the amount of money the regulars take home, while asking their NSF clerks, soldiers, etc to do their work? oh wait, i forgot, these people are in cahoots with the government. just look at the ministers or even the top dogs of all the government companies.

secondly, it states in its directive that soldiers are not supposed to seek redress outside of the organisation. blah blah blah, cue the usual rhetoric. it covers everything on how a soldier should seek redress if he felt he was treated unfairly, except the part on where the unfair treatment was handed out by his immediate superior. wow, great foresight to leave that part out.

i guess if anyone comes across this, i'll be charged for breaking the rules. heh, imagine that, in a country where supposedly its democratic, free speech can get you into trouble.

forgot

i thought of something but forgot what it was when my fingers touched the keyboard.

sianz½

random thoughts

apparently,

- the only things that doesnt rise in society is the wage bracket.
or rather, the wage bracket is always the last to rise. i mean, just look at the inflation rate. 10years back, a McDonald's meal costs around 3.50 and cigs costs 3.50 per 15sticks. 5years back, McDonald meals go up to 4.50 and 20stick packs costs 5bucks. now, a MacDonald meal costs 6-7bucks and 20stick packs go for 8.50 cheapest. and the wage? there are rises in wages, but it seems as though the rise only brings the wage bracket to the equivelent of the last inflation prices. that is, unless you're referring to the top brass who can just raise their income whenever they feel like it.

- most people only care about 3 people in their lives; 'me', 'myself', and the most important person, 'I'.
just listen to any conversation and 80% of that will ring true.

- no one is interested in history any more.

- the reason i cant be bothered with getting a license(bike or car) now is that its useless.
i cant afford a car, fuel prices will mean i'll be broke all the time even if i get a bike, and i can always get the license in the future.

thats about it now.

office killer

super kool stuff!!!

office gun

imagine the laser at your boss's back...

thanks adrian for the link.

story

" If the dream you dream ain't what it seems, Just look into my eyes"

the first year went by just like that, with the both of them chatting almost every night, whether online or by the phone. as the year came to its end, with the exams approaching fast for stella, terry decided not to bother her and let her concentrate on her studies. in the nights that followed, terry felt restless, as though something was missing.

meanwhile, stella tried to study for her exams but she just couldnt concentrate. her relationship with her boyfriend was going through a rough patch. he was stoned and zoned out most of the time and they couldnt really get a decent conversation going. it was as though the flame had died out on this relationship. but she refused to give up on this relationship, clinging on, hoping that her boyfriend will change once the exams are over.

terry, on the other hand, had no exams to study for. so he was left with a lot of free time on his end. he started hanging out with his friends at the local coffeeshop every night to pass away the time. there wasnt much activity at night at the coffeeshop, with the usual old beer drinking old men sitting in their corner with their half empty beer bottles and bag of peanuts. terry and his friends were usually at the other corner, with coffee and cigarette packs, smoking and talking about nothing in particular.

tinkling keys

its been a rainy sunday so far. there was the Army Half Marathon this morning, but since i wasnt a part of it, i slept through it. couldnt be bothered with anything regarding the army these few days. there's the deadline approaching soon on Tuesday, and though i havent really done anything, i'm not in the least panicked about it. i've been putting off work these few days, and its starting to get kind of boring.

staring at a computer screen all day isnt really all that fun. so i've been spending the past few evenings in the living room with my sketchbook, doodling. normally, there would be joggers or walkers on the road outside, enticing the neighbourhood dogs to bark at them, or the neighbour's kids shouting and screaming or even their grandmother with her ceaseless(loud) complaints about the maid, food, or anything she could think of. but these 2 evenings were a little different. since it was 2 wet evenings, there werent any joggers. the kids most probably stayed indoors, and the grandmother presumeably asleep.

all peace and quiet, the ideal situation to let loose some creative juices that had been lacking for the past 2years. and then, it happened. the rest of the family was still having dinner, and conversations about daily life as well as about the job-hunting adventures of my recently-returned brother. i was in the living room. and the sound of ivory keys entered the surroundings. the other neighbour was practicing on the piano. the sounds of a piano was always soothing to my ears. i used to play the piano too when i was young, but it was much of a 5-minutes craze then. the tinkling of keys interested me, but studies soon came into the way of things. the previous times the neighbour practised on the piano, it was always stuttering, but one could more or less make out the melody. this time though, the melody was seamless and soothing. there seemed to be this situation where the whole surroundings just ceased to exist and all thats around is just the piano piece and you.

the practice session lasted an hour, and that hour, nothing was on the sketchbook.

Cigarettes

I've been smoking for almost half my life now. It aint a proud fact, but its a fact. Back then, fags were about cigarettes, not gays. Back then, fags were cheap. Back then, there was no problems whatsoever, social or economical.

now, the men in white have been steadily increasing smoke prices, and are soon gonna even go as far as telling us where to smoke. It wouldn't be a huge matter, but the ridiculous thing is that they're gonna enforce it in bars and pubs too. What would a bar and pub be without the smokes? It just wouldn't be the same. Pubs were where people like me can go out, hang around, watch a match, and drink and smoke. Now they're going to say I cant smoke in pubs?

why don't they just pass a law banning cigarette sales here in Singapore? Sure, the outcry would be huge, but when did the government ever take public opinion into its decision making? People cried foul when transport fees were raised, and the government simply did nothing. Face it, its a 1-party dictatorship masquerading as a democracy here. The real fact that the government isn't banning cig sales is simply because of the money(taxes) they make from it. Money makes the world go round. If they'd simply banned cig sales, there'd be a huge drop in government income, and the people would most probably have to have their taxes raised, just to maintain the ridiculously enormous sum of money needed to 'maintain' those government officials. And what are they getting paid for? To look out for ways to increase their already obscene amount of money making means.

on life, or not

this isnt really much of a great time to do anything. in fact, it never is. its been a while, i've been busy messing my life up. the whole 'real life' thing is damn tiring. its tiring because its hard to conform to other people's perceptions of a normal life. normal being, working during daylight hours. normal being, eating 3meals a day. normal being, go get a job or something. i guess if that's normal, i aint never gonna be normal. lil' ol' me, i sleep at 4 in the morning and wake up in the late afternoons. i eat 1meal a day and smoke 2pax a day(3 if i'm feeling lousy). and the 'get a job' gimmick? i dont like working under people. i dont like being an emploYEE. if the guy i'm working for is a great guy, it wouldnt be a big issue, but even great guys can turn ugly when your ass is up next in the firing line when the company suddenly decides your job is redundant one day.

so perhaps i'm just supposed to breeze through life. not making any impact or whatsoever. so who the hell cares or gives a damn about me anyway?

turned upside down

havent been getting much healthy activities(read normal semblance of life) around these days. sleeping only in the early hours or the morning, waking up usually in afternoons, eating one meal a day, staring at a dead computer screen, i'm killing myself and i know it.

zombie-fied

havent been feeling well these days. in fact, i havent been doing anything right these few days. everything seems like a blur when you go 2 successive days without any sleep. i couldnt hear anything correctly, my reaction time would be so screwed up, my mind keeps on thinking something else from what i'm seeing, etc, etc.