no more fun

tuesday. september 12. 2006. 53minutes into the day.

for some reason, i find myself regressing back to my insomnia days. dont know why. its kind of sudden altogether. there hasnt been any depression attacks ever since starting on the job. and yet, somehow, i find myself getting more and more downcast as the days go by. life's starting to feel empty. in the past, whenever i get these attacks, football's always the cure. i truly believed in living, eating and breathing football. but now, even the game has lost much of its appeal to me. the sunday games are starting to feel more like a chore rather than enjoyment.

i used to want to start in every game, to play in every game. sitting out on any game is tough, watching from the sidelines, edging the teams to score and knock out the other team; its like being in a race car with your hands tied behind your back. yet the past few sessions, this feeling isnt as strong as it was. the desire to play wasnt there. it was merely just another session to meet old friends, chat a while, get a few minutes of run out. as sad as it is for me to say it, but the game no longer interests me.

as does other previous interests. computer games? stopped playing them ever since 6months ago, unless you count solitaire and freecell. drawing? haven't been drawing much for the past few years. writing? look at the sessions of this blog and you'll get what i mean.

damn it, maybe i'm beginning to ease into the middle aged syndrome...