mental state of mind

dont know why, havent been feeling alright this few days. its not physical; i'm feeling fine although there is a slight runny nose in the mornings. you could say its like that time of the year again when i get my moods; but then again, my moods arent usually that bad. its like this great big mental piece of burden that keeps growing in my mind. layman terms: i'm mentally exhausted.

perhaps its been working non-stop for the past 5-6weeks. longest record ever was 3weeks without any breaks in between; no sundays or saturdays to take things easy and forget about work. earlier, i had expressed delight in the overtimes i'm chalking up, but this is too much. everyday was work work and work, other than that, travelling time dictates that by the time i get home, its just enough for dinner, shower and if i'm really lucky(or stubborn) an hour for myself before the z monster comes. now, its kinda normal for me to chalk up a 60hr work week, which is inclusive of minimal overtime. and the government had stated last year of pushing for 40hr work weeks. yeah right, here i am, slaving away 60hrs(minimal a week) and taking home less than 1.5k a month. and they say poly students are more in demand because of their hands-on capabilities and practical experiences. thats a big "yeah right" from me right here, right now.

anyway, back to where i was, before i go on another rant. its not like i didnt go through much tougher experiences in the army, but at least there was some downtime back then. and during work, its endlessly looking, sorting, readjusting colours and designs until my eyes hurt, and i seriously wonder can one go colour blind just by looking at colours too much?

jokes aside, i go home everyday now mentally exhausted, in no mood to do anything. if you thought i was too lazy or cant make up my mind whenever anyone asked me to make a decision, well, now i have a valid excuse it seems. even on weekends, when i dont work till 6 in the evenings on saturdays and no working on sundays, i'm too tired to even call up friends and go out.

i thought it'll all turn ok when i took a sick leave yesterday just to get a whole day for me to wind down, but it doesnt appear to be working. today started off well enough, i was up early and feeling kind of refreshed, but once i got onto the bus, the exhaustion and the negativity came right back.

i think i really need a long break, either that or i'll be looking up a counsellor or pyschiatrist soon.