confession

all right. i'll come clean this once. i cant sleep at night anymore. and the reason i cant sleep now...well thats debatable....

it used to be about a girl. i couldnt get her out of my head. couldnt stop thinking about her. took me almost 2years and a phone call to finally get over the fact that i'm just a pyscho stalker. now it feels like a repeat all over again. god(if there ever was one, im being blasphemous here, stopped believing in god since i was what...around 9?) can i ever hate myself. i'd always want the things i cannot get. when i first met her, i thought 'yeah, well, see you arount'. never took much notice of my surroundings anyway back then. was too zoned out. and no i was not on drugs. can a heart be broken too many times to be healed? i'd always dream of what i'd do, but never had the chance to do it. buy the gifts for the occassions, but never get the opportunity to give it.

i donno...maybe i should just go away someplace no one can find and stay there...