rots and thoughts

hm...its been ongoing for the last 2 or 3 months already, but my right hand is rotting away. thats right, it's ROTTING away, and it doesnt seem to be going to be cured anytime soon. it all starts with an itch. soon after, before anyone knows it, wham! its grown into a full fledged rot. scabs appearing on my palm. pus coming out when any blister bursts. skin peels off. finger feels tight when i flex them. flaky skin on finger. at least its all on the palm or inside of my hand. nobody notices anything about it. couple that with my never-ending foot rot, i'd guess i have the hand-foot rot disease! haha. hm.. i have a rotten mouth when i'm feeling grumpy, so does it means i have the hand-foot-mouth disease? hehe. and whatever in hell is a hand-foot-mouth disease... how i love my endless witty sarcasm on myself.

guess its always good to plan ahead. and more importantly, have a backup plan in case plan A fails. it never did occur to me that my plan A for the future would fail, but right now, it seems almost certain that my plan for the future would never come to fruition. i had plowed most of my life onto this, and yet, it seems certain that without a substantial financial boon, i would have nothing to fall back on. no plan B, no backup route. whenever friends asked me about the future, i'd tell them now that they'd most probably find me in some crowded street with a metal mug waiting for coins to drop in. thats the truth, because right now, i certainly have no idea on what to do, and not to mention, what i'm able to do for the future.

nice meloncholic song:

Honey,
It's been a long time coming
And I can't stop now
Such a long time running
And I can't stop now
Do you hear my heart beating
Can you hear that sound
Cause I can't stop thinking
And I don't look down

And then I looked up at the sun
And I could see
Oh the way that gravity turns for you and me
And then I looked up at the sky and saw the sun
And the way that gravity pulls on everyone, on everyone

Baby,
It's been a long time waiting
Such a long, long time
And I can't stop smiling
No I can't stop now
And do you hear my heart beating
Ah can you hear that sound
Cause I can't help crying
And I won't look down

And then I looked up at the sun and I could see
Oh the way that gravity turns on you and me
And then I looked up at the sun and saw the sky
And the way that gravity pulls on you and I, on you and I

Can you hear my heart beating
Can you hear that sound
Cause I can't help crying
And I wont look down

embrace - gravity