nice guys finish last

perhaps there's more truth to that phrase than anyone would ever imagine. sure, movies and tv shows always portray nice likeable guys who will always get on top in the end, but i've learned to trust nothing from the media. after all, who really believes in fairy tales anyway?

i've always tried to be there for friends, sometimes to the point of being overly generous beyond my capabilities. yet, often times i would be left feeling a small tinge of betrayal. ok, maybe betrayal is too strong, too harsh a word to use. but its close to 5 in the morning, and my tiny, tired, sorry excuse for a brain just cant seem to execute its basic and primary function, apart from vomiting out loads of junk.

am i too forgiving? am i too compromising? why the hell do i always feel like i'm taken for granted? taken advantage of due to my easy going nature? just because i dont make a lot of noise doesnt mean i'm there for the taking. doesnt mean i dont have a voice.

maybe its time i turn nasty. about time i'd reckon. well, tried that today, it felt kinda good. in a guilty kind of way. but bottomline is, it was gooooood being able to be nasty and get away with it. especially the getting away with it part.

give it a week or 2. maybe i could grow to like this new outlook in life. maybe i'll finally understand why nice guys finish last. or maybe i'll get the chance to see if fairy tales do happen in real life.