closing a chapter
To "her" :
i know you'd probably never read this, or come across this blog. i'm not sure if you'd even remember who i am. but i'd write this just to end a chapter in my life that was never properly closed.
i'm sorry that things had had to come to an end like that. the blame wasnt yours to take. its just me. it always is, and always will be. i'm sorry that i wasnt what you had expected. i'm sorry that i wasn't the loud and funny persona that chatted with you every night. i'm sorry that all i could provide you was a listening ear and some run-of-the-mill advices. i'm sorry if my smoking had ever irritated you. i'm sorry if i wasn't aggressive enough to go for you when i had the chance. i'm sorry if my pessimistic view of the world had ever bored in on you.
i was never really interested in you in the beginning. i'd treated you as just another friend. but your warm heart and ready laughter changed my mind, as time went by. i found myself being drawn to you. your mood was infectious, and rarely blue. yet, it seemed like a relationship that was never destined to bloom. i must haved been blinded by foolish optimism. how could a girl like you, who had everything in the grasp of your hand, ever be drawn to a guy like me? our social status were world's apart. it was all just a hopeful fantasy, egged on by the constant phone/irc conversations on almost every night.
i supposed i must have been blind not to see it coming. your laughter came less and less often, and your heart became guarded after your break-up. even though you stoic-ly tried to maintain your same old dignity, there was something different about you. i knew you were breaking up inside, but i could offer you nothing of help, save comforting words and a friendly shoulder. but those are just words, and words don't really do anything of aid in those situations. i didnt want to appear as a predator on your vulnerable state then. i didnt want to be your rebound guy. i had problems of my own during that time, but it was you that had been the focus of my life at the time. all i ever heard of you by then were rumours and some news from friends. the phone calls stopped and the conversations ended. i tried calling you but those calls went unanswered.
4 years have gone by since i last saw or heard from you. last i heard, was your brother telling me you were heading to japan. during these 4 years, i always held on to the slimmest threads of hope. was it hope or desperation, i dont know. every silhoutte i saw would appear to be you, every night, the thoughts of you would be wracking my head. to tell the truth, i have not been able to lay the ghost of you to rest in my mind. i suppose its time for me to let go now, if not for you, then to just discard the burden on my sanity. all i can say to you now, if you ever hear of it, is thank you for all the joy you had brought to my life, the memories that always brings a smile, and blessings on whatever your future might hold.
goodbye.
i know you'd probably never read this, or come across this blog. i'm not sure if you'd even remember who i am. but i'd write this just to end a chapter in my life that was never properly closed.
i'm sorry that things had had to come to an end like that. the blame wasnt yours to take. its just me. it always is, and always will be. i'm sorry that i wasnt what you had expected. i'm sorry that i wasn't the loud and funny persona that chatted with you every night. i'm sorry that all i could provide you was a listening ear and some run-of-the-mill advices. i'm sorry if my smoking had ever irritated you. i'm sorry if i wasn't aggressive enough to go for you when i had the chance. i'm sorry if my pessimistic view of the world had ever bored in on you.
i was never really interested in you in the beginning. i'd treated you as just another friend. but your warm heart and ready laughter changed my mind, as time went by. i found myself being drawn to you. your mood was infectious, and rarely blue. yet, it seemed like a relationship that was never destined to bloom. i must haved been blinded by foolish optimism. how could a girl like you, who had everything in the grasp of your hand, ever be drawn to a guy like me? our social status were world's apart. it was all just a hopeful fantasy, egged on by the constant phone/irc conversations on almost every night.
i supposed i must have been blind not to see it coming. your laughter came less and less often, and your heart became guarded after your break-up. even though you stoic-ly tried to maintain your same old dignity, there was something different about you. i knew you were breaking up inside, but i could offer you nothing of help, save comforting words and a friendly shoulder. but those are just words, and words don't really do anything of aid in those situations. i didnt want to appear as a predator on your vulnerable state then. i didnt want to be your rebound guy. i had problems of my own during that time, but it was you that had been the focus of my life at the time. all i ever heard of you by then were rumours and some news from friends. the phone calls stopped and the conversations ended. i tried calling you but those calls went unanswered.
4 years have gone by since i last saw or heard from you. last i heard, was your brother telling me you were heading to japan. during these 4 years, i always held on to the slimmest threads of hope. was it hope or desperation, i dont know. every silhoutte i saw would appear to be you, every night, the thoughts of you would be wracking my head. to tell the truth, i have not been able to lay the ghost of you to rest in my mind. i suppose its time for me to let go now, if not for you, then to just discard the burden on my sanity. all i can say to you now, if you ever hear of it, is thank you for all the joy you had brought to my life, the memories that always brings a smile, and blessings on whatever your future might hold.
goodbye.
posted by boredphuck at 7:08 am
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